If you’ve ever walked into a store with your children and walked out with three things you didn’t plan to buy… you’re not alone.
As a couples and family therapist in Indianapolis and a mom of three school-age kids, I talk with parents all the time who feel discouraged or confused when shopping with their kids becomes stressful. The begging, the meltdowns, the “just one more thing”… it wears you down.
Here’s the truth:
You’re not inconsistent. You’re not weak. You’re up against a retail system specifically designed to trigger impulse buys, especially in children.
Retail environments place bright, engaging items at kids’ eye level on purpose. Character tie-ins, snack displays near checkout, and sensory overload. It’s not you against your child. It’s you and your child inside an overstimulating system.
Together, we'll walk through a simple, research-aligned approach I use as both a couples and family therapist and a mom of three school-aged kids: the Impulse Buy Audit is a strategy that restores predictability, strengthens regulation, and reduces meltdowns without shame.
Why Kids Struggle with Impulse Control (It’s Brain Development Not “Bad Behavior”)
Children grab, beg, or fixate on items because their executive functioning is still developing. The part of the brain that manages:
- waiting
- emotional regulation
- planning
- delaying gratification
…is still under construction.
Impulse buying is not a character issue. It’s a developmental one. And for neurodivergent kids, these challenges may be even more pronounced.
Why Parents Say Yes (Even When They Meant to Say No)
Most parents who overspend in stores do it for tender, human reasons:
- you’re exhausted
- you don’t want a public meltdown
- your love language is gift-giving
- you want to give your kids what you didn’t have
- you want the shopping trip to go smoothly
- you’re stressed or overstimulated yourself
This doesn’t mean you’re “too soft.” It means you’re human.
Gift-giving parents especially can feel deeply connected when their child wants something small. Boundaries don’t mean you love your child less, they help you stay aligned with your values.
The Impulse Buy Audit (YES/NO/MAYBE): A Simple Tool for Every Store Trip
Instead of reacting in the moment, use this quick audit to guide your decisions. It works for toddlers, big kids, neurodivergent kids, and teens.
YES — The Clear Green Light
Say YES when:
- It fits the budget
- Your child truly needs it
- It’s part of a planned treat
- It’s something small that brings genuine joy
YES items are low-stress, high-connection.
NO — The Firm Boundary
Say NO when:
- It’s outside your budget
- It’s not aligned with your family values
- It’s something you don’t want to deal with (messy toys, noisy toys, more clutter)
- You can tell your child is dysregulated
A clear NO is loving and grounding.
MAYBE — The Magic Middle Category
This is the category most parents are missing.
Put an item in MAYBE when:
- You need more time
- You need to avoid an in-store decision
- You want to check prices later
- Your child is dysregulated
- You’re unsure if it fits your values
A MAYBE is not a soft NO — it’s a pause.
And pauses prevent impulsive, stress-driven decisions.
Scripts You Can Use in the Moment
Use these verbatim:
“Let’s put it in the MAYBE category and check-in together again at the end.”
“That’s outside our budget today. It’s a no this time.”
“Your feelings make sense. The answer is still no, and I’m right here.”
“This might be a YES or a NO. We’ll decide when we finish shopping.”
“I love giving you things, and part of that is choosing intentionally. This one is a MAYBE.”
Scripts help you regulate yourself and set a predictable tone for your child.
Want a YES Day? Give Kids a Budget
Instead of saying “we’ll see,” offer a clear budget that works for your family:
- $3–$5 for younger kids
- $5–$10 for older kids
- More if they earn allowance
If the item is above budget, your child can:
- save for next time
- bring earned money from home
- practice waiting
This builds money literacy, patience, and delayed gratification.
Give Kids a Job in the Store (This Dramatically Reduces Impulsivity)
Children who are engaged in a task are less likely to grab things impulsively.
Try:
- having them hold the shopping list
- checking off items
- finding colors, numbers, or letters
- comparing prices
- pushing the cart (if safe)
A focused child is a regulated child.
Use Predictability to Reduce Meltdowns
Before entering the store, tell your child:
- what we’re here to buy
- what we’re not buying
- whether today includes a YES budget
- how long the trip will be
- how the YES/NO/MAYBE system works
Predictability lowers anxiety and improves cooperation.
When It Gets Hard (Because It Might)
Kids will still get emotional. Teens will still negotiate.
And you will still feel the pull to say yes.
This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
It means you’re working inside a system meant to create impulse buys.
Every time you pause and use the audit, you’re teaching your child:
- emotional regulation
- boundary acceptance
- money confidence
- self-advocacy
- gratitude
These are life skills, not just shopping skills. And hey, once in a blue moon, it's okay to throw the rules out the window and buy the the glitter slime. (insert Kim shivers) Let your child know this is a "very special" moment where you want to spoil them. We all love to feel special from time to time, and giving from a well regulated space makes it even sweeter!
Free Download!
I created a free download that is a quick guide, along with the impulse-buy audit that you can copy directly to your phone to put at the top of your grocery list. Click the button below for your free PDF.
I offer individual, couples, and family therapy, in-person in Broad Ripple, and throughout Indiana via telehealth.
Learn more or schedule at Joyful Counseling Indy.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
