Originally published with theCityMoms
Do you ever find yourself thinking, when was the last time I did something fun with my partner?
Or maybe the last time you touched or had sex has become a distant memory. You are not alone. Every relationship goes through waves of connection, and if you find you are distant from your partner, this blog is a safe space to get ideas and practice new skills! I’m going to cover a few ways to quickly connect with your partner without reinventing the wheel.
Create a Ritual of Connection
Focus first on go-to things that help you feel the warm fuzzies with your honey. If you notice go-to connection points aren’t happening like they used to, talk about it! You can say something like, “Remember when we used to kiss one another before we left for work every morning? I would love to do that more often. It helps me feel close to you.” Real talk—maybe right now, you don’t have a ritual of connection, and that’s okay. The good news is you can create one pretty easily as long as you and your partner talk about it and make a plan.
Here are a few ideas:
- Drink coffee or tea in the morning together.
- Hug, kiss, or both before you leave the house and when you return.
- Text a “thinking of you” message once a day…Send a spicy text for a little workplace surprise!
- Take a walk no matter the weather.
- Cook dinner together.
- Curl up under a blanket together and watch a favorite show.
Share in Tasks
We don’t know about you, but for us, teamwork makes the dream work. A lot of times, we get stuck in very specific roles in relationships. It’s that whole “you cook, I clean” mentality. There are times to divide and conquer, but not every task needs to be done alone. Communicate what you hope for, and go for it!
Start small and cook a meal together or pick a day to clean together. If you’re feeling ambitious, plan a house or garden project. You may be surprised how much great conversation and problem-solving happen when you share a task. Even if you don’t talk, sharing space with a person you love can be powerful. You both care enough about each other to help one another, and that feels good!
Be Spontaneous and Go Unplugged
We get it, you’re a parent…Being spontaneous and going completely unplugged isn’t totally possible, but get creative and try where you can! Spontaneity can look like five extra minutes snuggling in bed with one another while the baby babbles in their crib. Or hire a sitter and go on an adventure!
Whether you are foodies, enjoy hiking, or prefer a couple of rounds of bowling, try to make it happen without continually looking at your phone. Set a specific ring for the sitter and keep your phone in your purse or pocket. We know this might feel a little intimidating at first but push through that little bit of nervousness to focus on one another. Of course, talk about it ahead of time and set an intention to not be on your phones. Leave space for flexibility, but ultimately pretend like your phone doesn’t exist and see what feels different in your connection when you do!
Touch Each Other More
Yep, intimacy is a big point of connection for most folks. Virginia Satir (a big-time foundress of couples and family therapy) was all about hugs. Her research showed people “need four hugs a day for survival, eight for emotional maintenance, and twelve a day for growth.” Let that sink in, friends.
We NEED to touch more. Not only does touch connect us, but it also helps regulate our nervous systems. If you and your partner haven’t shared in intimacy in a while, start slow. Hold hands, hug, kiss on the cheek. Once you’ve reestablished touch, talk about what might feel good next.
It’s important to remember that not every touch leads to sex, and you can make that clear to your partner. If you only want to go to second base, be very clear. It can sound something like, “I really want to rub your back and make out a little tonight. Does that work for you?” Out-of-bedroom talk builds anticipation and makes the expectations clear.
Truly, I get it
—If you are feeling disconnected from your partner, these tips may seem a little overwhelming! But trust me, little intentional changes create big positive changes in connection over time.
Share in the comments: What is one little step you can take to connect with the person you love most?